I've been listening to a book titled The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage. I'm entering late in the game considering she published this book in 2012. My therapist recommended this author sometime last year. I find that it takes me time to follow up on her recommendations. Anyway, I find this topic quite fascinating and the author's storytelling is so authentic and entertaining. I can relate to her in many ways. The book can be intense if you use it to truly examine yourself. I was overwhelmed by the amount of information that I'll probably listen to it several times and maybe even take notes.
The book and my past experience with vulnerability, fear, and shame came into play at work of all places. We had a staff meeting which was arranged to fulfill our mandatory, annual requirement for diversity training. The staff lead, who was also the facilitator, showed three TED Talks on vastly different and unexpected (for diversity) topics:
After each showing, the facilitator invited us to share our thoughts. I hate sharing thoughts in a group, especially on such sensitive topics. I find that my emotions can be so intense that it's difficult to clearly express myself without anger or another strong emotion.
Surprisingly, a couple of people shared that their children have autism. One mother had an intense incident recently at home and when she shared that her son had autism, she started to cry. I sat next to her. I felt incredible sadness and empathy. I wanted to hug her and let her know she's not alone. I handed her a napkin to wipe her tears. The woman sitting on the other side of crying mother handed her a second napkin and held her hand as tears continued to stream. Other people averted their eyes. There was awkward silence. A couple of people continued to share their thoughts while the silent crying continued.
After the three videos were shown and the meeting ended, the mother, the woman who held her hand and I stayed. The facilitator came over to apologize to the mother. The mother also apologized for crying. I said there was no need for either to apologize. These things happen and we ALL have problems but don't talk about them. We encouraged the mother to seek professional help. I told her that my years of therapy has helped me in many ways especially with providing ideas and suggestions for other resources.
There's this illusion that everyone else has perfect, dreamy lives and we are the only ones with messy, imperfect lives. Bullshit. We ALL have problems and I'm more than happy to talk about mine especially if it helps someone else to let go of the shame of carrying that "secret". We're so afraid of being vulnerable, appearing weak, seeming like we're screwed up or don't have ourselves together that it takes an emotional toll on our spiritual being. It takes courage to say I don't have it together. I need help. This is painful, shameful, and I'm afraid. I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed by the mother's display. I felt she was incredibly courageous and needed support and help. I offered to listen to her any time she needed to talk. We're all in this together and we need to support and uplift one another and not criticize and tear down. It's hard, I know. But it's vital to forming a more caring society and a better human bond.
The book and my past experience with vulnerability, fear, and shame came into play at work of all places. We had a staff meeting which was arranged to fulfill our mandatory, annual requirement for diversity training. The staff lead, who was also the facilitator, showed three TED Talks on vastly different and unexpected (for diversity) topics:
- Invisible Diversity: A Story Of Undiagnosed Autism | Carrie Beckwith-Fellows | TEDxVilnius
- I was an MS-13 gang member. Here's how I got out. | Gerardo Lopez | TEDxMileHigh
- I am the son of a terrorist. Here's how I chose peace | Zak Ebrahim
After each showing, the facilitator invited us to share our thoughts. I hate sharing thoughts in a group, especially on such sensitive topics. I find that my emotions can be so intense that it's difficult to clearly express myself without anger or another strong emotion.
Surprisingly, a couple of people shared that their children have autism. One mother had an intense incident recently at home and when she shared that her son had autism, she started to cry. I sat next to her. I felt incredible sadness and empathy. I wanted to hug her and let her know she's not alone. I handed her a napkin to wipe her tears. The woman sitting on the other side of crying mother handed her a second napkin and held her hand as tears continued to stream. Other people averted their eyes. There was awkward silence. A couple of people continued to share their thoughts while the silent crying continued.
After the three videos were shown and the meeting ended, the mother, the woman who held her hand and I stayed. The facilitator came over to apologize to the mother. The mother also apologized for crying. I said there was no need for either to apologize. These things happen and we ALL have problems but don't talk about them. We encouraged the mother to seek professional help. I told her that my years of therapy has helped me in many ways especially with providing ideas and suggestions for other resources.
There's this illusion that everyone else has perfect, dreamy lives and we are the only ones with messy, imperfect lives. Bullshit. We ALL have problems and I'm more than happy to talk about mine especially if it helps someone else to let go of the shame of carrying that "secret". We're so afraid of being vulnerable, appearing weak, seeming like we're screwed up or don't have ourselves together that it takes an emotional toll on our spiritual being. It takes courage to say I don't have it together. I need help. This is painful, shameful, and I'm afraid. I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed by the mother's display. I felt she was incredibly courageous and needed support and help. I offered to listen to her any time she needed to talk. We're all in this together and we need to support and uplift one another and not criticize and tear down. It's hard, I know. But it's vital to forming a more caring society and a better human bond.
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